Issue 57: here's an equivocator that could swear in both the scales against either scale
Saturday, April 25, 2009
To the mayor of a small village in Chihuahua
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Where the wild things are
This is City Living
Originally uploaded by Douglas Roesch
Flickr contact Douglas Roesch indicates that Pittsburgh is being overrun by turkeys. I can find no relevant news stories by googling "pittsburgh turkey invasion" but apparently Pittsburgh has an annual Turkey Trot sponsored by the YMCA. I doubt this is the type of trot they are referring to.
I recall a few years back we had the year of the raccoon in SLC. The blackeyed critters were everywhere. This year may be the year of the Mormon Cricket, given the wet spring weather we are experiencing, and that wee beasties proclivity to procreate under such conditions. An invasion of cougars would be cool, but I fear too many of the concealed weapon carries of Utah would take vengeance on the big cats.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
1000 Miles in 1000 hours! (Fascinating Fact #8)
While I was on the bus and reading about Captain Barclay in The Lost Art of Walking by Geoff Nicholson, I had a brief fantasy of just taking off on foot for a vacation and see where I ended up. Could be fun. It fits my heritage.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The next one that gets me in trouble or 49 Days and Counting
The day after Easter?
I mean the Gospels
Aren't so clear on that
Subject
After a busy weekend of
Dying an excruciating
Death: scourged, crucified,
Stabbed in the side for
Blood and water to fall
To mother Earth
And give salvation to
Mankind (all that on
Friday, mind you)
Then, according to
Catholic magesterium,
Harrowing Hell of all
The righteous prior to
His ministry on Earth
All day Saturday
(The reception line on
That one must have taken
Most of the afternoon)
Then rising in
A flash, leaving only
The imprint of His
Humanity on a disputed
Shroud
What did Jesus do
That fine Monday morning?
I prefer to think
He took a vacation
In Tahiti or Samoa
Lounging on the beach
Not worrying about
A single thing
But loving and living
Life eternal and blessing
All the little sea
Birds that flitted
By his beach chair.
Becoming God Almighty,
Afterall, is no easy
Task. He deserved
Some time off.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
We lucky few
In our eccentric clothes
And disheveled hair
"What do you have to offer?"
They ask with slavering lips
Mindful of the last bit of beef
They ate, now stuck in their
Teeth
"What do you have to offer?"
"Uncommon sense and a liking
For clouds that rim blueberry
Against a cold sky."
A stupid answer but it seems to
Impress.
In the meantime they find a
Toothpick.
No problem problem
Dear caller,
Signifying nothing can indeed help you with your problem of having no problems! Believe it or not, it is rather common for people not to have problems. Many people lead perfectly ordinary (if not somewhat boring) lives one hundred percent problem free! As you can imagine, this situation is quite problematic.
Researchers are committed to solving the problem of problem-free lives. They currently are testing rats to maximize their failure rate at finding tasty bits of cheese in mazes with the eventual hope of extrapolating their findings to human beings, given that we all know that cheese is the most problem-free food.
The government has for many decades now taken the lead in finding ways to distribute problems equally amongst the populace. With the recent change in the federal administration, however, the direction of those efforts has changed significantly.
Take heart, caller, you are not the only one with no problems. Support groups for the problemless can easily be located in swim-up bars at tropical resorts, and beautiful sandy beaches on Hawaii or Tahiti.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Having a problem?
SigNo now has a help line-- call 206-888-4379 and leave a message. You can even FAX an item, if that is your druthers.
Another fine service brought to you by Signifying nothing. Who says I don't do anything for you?
*Answers will be posted on signifyingnothing.com whenever I get around to it. All submissions are subject to being posted here. Beware. Be very aware.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Pull the trigger
Ability to love
Wait a minute, that's not how
It is supposed to be
Songs are supposed to seduce
Songs are supposed to kiss
You know the song of songs?
Are you the hart or are you the doe?
Do you kiss with the kisses of
Your mouth?
It takes a minute to recover from that
A soul ticking minute.