Simple answers of looming dread

Hightouchmegastore writes:

1. Is there someone who's planning to take my Christmas tree down for me, or help me decide what to do about the poinsettias, or who plans to enfold my shiny little Christmas objets in tissue paper? Because I could use some help with that.
2. When will there be a movie (preferably a comedy) that I can watch without effort and still feel happy at the end of it?
3. Is Bruiser lonely? He seems lonely.
4. Am I missing something, or have I eaten at all the restaurants in SLC and now they seem stale and unimaginative?
5. Is the world more full of incompetent people than it was just a couple of weeks ago? Or is it that all the systems they have for doing practically everything have taken a turn and become really, really bad?
6. Why is it just pasta polenta rice polenta pasta around here?
7. Why did the people at Wild Oats let me leave without the butter, the cheese, and the mushrooms that I paid for?
8. Is it just me? Because it seems like maybe it's just me.

To which I respond:

1) Trust me, you don't want my help, unless you like a house full of needs and many broken shiny Christmas things.
2) Such movies have been banned.
3) All dogs seem lonely to me. I think it is in their DNA. Perhaps it is just in our DNA.
4) SLC Restaurants are dull and unimaginative. There is a mediocrity here that is completely unacceptable, especially for the prices that they charge. Ask lis, I'm sure she agrees with me.
5) Yes.
6) Sounds kind of a tasty routine, if you ask me. It could be worse: you could be on the pre-packaged diet that many people seem to be on these days.
7) See 5 above.
8) No, it is not just you.