The Official Signifying nothing Monolith Music Festival Awards

So this past weekend, as astute readers might have noticed, I was a the Monolith Music Festival held at the ever-beautiful Red Rocks amphitheater in Morrison, Colorado. Aside from being denied taking decent pictures, I had quite the time. I have decided, therefore to hand out my own awards in various categories to the bands who I had the honor to witness. I was considering boring you all with a narrative of the trip, but that just seems a bit too self-indulgent. I will, therefore, leave it with appropriate awards and commentary.

Most fun

==Matt & Kim

These kids knew how to rock. Kim had cranked the drums and enjoyed every minute of their set. A smile never left her face. Matt was the most amusing yet competent musician I've seen in awhile.

Favorite line: "What the fuck is that?" said while looking at the giant red rock reef in hovering over his upper-deck stage. "I'm from New England and we don't have anything like that!"

Most surly

==Brian Jonestown Massacre

His age is showing. Get an enema. Your band is not the center of the universe and you put on a lackluster, insulting show. Your pointless attempts to become political didn't save you nor did your ho-hum cheerleading for the upcoming bands. Your excuses about making some hot shit in Iceland and giving it away for free redeem you either.

You're washed up BJM. Face it and come out with something better. Clue one: get rid of Mr. Denim Mutton Chops for a starter and love your music again. You are not cool, and you never were: you are just fucking rude. I was so tempted to shout out "Dandy Warhols" but didn't fearing your have a hissy fit and run of stage (again) and drag our your boring-ass chord-fest even more.

Okay, okay, the music was tight, but still lacked anything that would draw any in but the most dis-affected. Bringing out a liter of Popov is still not going to make your music appealing. It just makes you pathetic, like the vagrant at the bus stop who still thinks booze makes him cool.

Favorite line: "Shut the fuck up while we tune! We're doing this for you!" I half-expected him at this point to tell us all to get off his lawn. Keep music evil? Uhuh. Eat me.

Most fun to dance to

==Flosstradamus

I lost my phone because I was grooving so much. (No worries it came back the next day after a night of debauchery.)

Favorite line: "This is what you get with one turntable!" (One of their turntables failed to function. They were still grooving.)

Most hot

==Kid Sister

She was pretty much on with Flostradamus and busted out the rhyme like there was no tomorrow. The crowd had thinned stupidly by the time she was getting into it. Their loss. She was on target and stunning.

Favorite line: (pointing to a kid in the audience who had glasses on) "I like guys in glasses!"

Most reason to like hip hop live

==Das EFX

They had it down. Hip hop recordings can never catch what the artists can do live.

Favorite line: "Don't be smokin' that shit, kids!" or "When I say Das, you say EFX!"

Most sad to have missed

==Ghostland Observatory

You have to hear the singers talking voice to understand why.

Favorite line: (from their live performance in Austin) "I'm so glad every body is having fun tonight!"

Most intellectual

==The Decemberists

Their drummer looks like a philosophy professor and probably is. Overall they had a very tight set and they engaged the audience. Interestingly enough they announced that they had an EP coming out with their song "Perfect Crime" which appeared on The Crane Wife. Does this mean that The Crane Wife did not sell?

Favorite line: "Man...Red Rocks." (Stated as the feedback from Black Rebel Motor Cycle club was raining down on them. They pulled it back together and overwhelmed the crowd with their last song.)

Most interesting British band to bring back talk-singing since David Niven

==Art Brut

Art Brut put on a tight, driven set with songs that lasted no more than two and a half minutes.

Favorite line: "Art Bruts, are you ready?!"

Most fantastic show on the face of the planet Earth (and Mars)

==The Flaming Lips

Despite rumors to the contrary, Wayne came out in his gerbil ball to crowd surf (even though it was momentary.) The Lips stage set for their concert-venues is difficult to be beat these days. They were solid and weird, as is to be expected complete with giant and little Santas and giant and little aliens. I save some confetti.

Favorite line: "Thank you!"

Best in show

The Flaming Lips

Second-best in show

Matt & Kim

Third-best in show

The Decemberists